Don't let yourself be the target of an abusive person; seek help immediately

Published on Monday, November 5, 2018

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Don't let yourself be the target of an abusive person; seek help immediately

 The victim asked for anonymity.

The average age for a woman to be killed by a significant other is 40. The youngest age is under 18. About 95 percent of women are killed by someone they know. The most common weapon used is a gun. While October was National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, domestic violence doesn’t need a month was to show how vital it is to be discussed and ultimately stopped. 

 According to ncadv.org, one in three women and one in four men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. This was the case for Jane Doe. She is part of the one in three.

 Doe was a freshman in high school. During her time at school, she was being rushed for a sorority by popular cheerleaders. She herself was popular so it only made sense for her to date the star of the JV football team. He was very handsome, funny and came from a wealthy family. 

 After about a year of dating, the chemistry began to change. “Something just totally flipped,” said Doe. He started to require her to always be with him and never let Doe hang out with her own friends. But if they had the same group of friends, that was fine. 

 It got to a point where he would call Doe at all hours of the night, yelling at her about every little thing she did wrong and what she could do better. “My parents were divorced and I never grew up in a screaming household or experienced any kind of violence, so this was all new to me,” said Doe. She went on to say that she was quite young and didn’t know what to do. 

 Doe’s mother started to notice a difference and got upset with her being at her boyfriend’s house all of the time. “I would tell her to just let me go, I didn’t know what to do,” said Doe. 

 One night, Doe was babysitting for her mother’s friend. Her boyfriend found out where she was babysitting and came over with one of his friends. Doe told him he really shouldn’t be there but he insisted that he would only be a minute. 

 They decided to watch "Rocky II" when the child went to bed. Doe made a comment about how she was a big fan of the actor who played Rocky and thought he was so cute. This infuriated her boyfriend and he picked her up and threw her in the bathroom. 

 He quickly shut the door and punched her in the face. "He was literally hitting me, grabbing me my chest so hard it left big bruises,”"said Doe. While she cried for help, her boyfriend's friend was banging on the door, crying and begging him to let her out. 

 He was screaming, spitting in her face. "I was absolutely terrified. I had never experienced anything like that," said Doe. Finally, he got out of the bathroom and they left. Doe went to check on the child she was babysitting and luckily the child was still asleep. 

 This was Doe's first encounter with physical abuse. That experience left her black and blue, embarrassed to show herself anywhere. If Doe tried to ignore him at school, he would get upset. There was even an instance at school where he pushed her down the stairs, and someone noticed. He didn’t really care. 

 For the next several months, Doe still dated him. He was hitting her, abusing her. She was too scared to leave and didn’t know what to do. “I was leaving his house one time and he tried to stop me by jumping on my car and holding on to the hood,” said Doe. “He was crazy.”

 The moment that Doe confessed to what was happening was when he hit her really hard. She told her mother, which lead to her calling the boyfriend’s mother. “Everyone at school knew so it was only a matter of time before my mom found out,” said Doe. 

Doe didn’t really want to be with him, but he would apologize for his actions, promising to never hurt her again. He would also take her on nice dates and buy her nice gifts. None of this mattered to Doe, she just wanted out. 

 Doe’s boyfriend was later admitted to a psychiatric hospital, and eventually sent to a military school. While he was sent off to military school, Doe was moved to a different high school. While attending her new school, she found a sense of relief. Doe felt like she got a fresh start.

 But it didn't last.  She was on a beach trip with her new school and saw her now ex-boyfriend running over a sand dune toward her. 'He comes flying over the sand dune like a freight train and throws me over his shoulder. He runs full speed ahead in hot, heavy sand into a house he was staying in with his friends, mother and grandmother," said Doe.

 He then takes her into a bedroom and begins yelling at her. He beat her up, again, while she screamed and cried for help. Everyone in the other room just listened. Doe finally got out and sees his mother lying on the bed. The mother's only comments were, "Well, you really deserved it." 

 That was Doe’s last encounter with physical abuse. Today, Doe is left with a plethora of feelings. She looks back on her life and remembers how scared she was. Trying to bring some good out of her tragic situation, Doe volunteers with organizations that pertain to domestic violence. Advice Doe would give to anyone, but especially younger women, is to know you aren’t doing anything wrong. "Find someone you can trust and tell them what is happening immediately. If they can hit you once, they will hit you again," said Doe. She really stressed to run, get help, and just run.  

 Editor’s note: The abused person is the friend of the writer’s aunt. “I tried finding people to talk to, but no one felt comfortable enough to do so, Georgia Gay said. The victim in this case told her mom and then her mom called the accused’s mom. He was then sent to a military school and they stopped seeing each other."

• Georgia Gay is a senior at North Greenville University.








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